August 22, 2006 at 4:22 pm

Little Of Me…

Note Of The The Day:I found some photo of me taken while I’m still 5 years old. That was when I’m staying in my hometown…

Looking at those photo of me with my grandpa, reminds me of my younger day! Well, sad to mention that my grandpa actually past away when I was 8 years old. I guess this will make a good memory of him to me…

I sit and remember to the sounds of silence, the sounds of a void so enormous that I am deafened. Some say silence is golden, but is it really? If silence is the absence of sound, it is a void, an enormous, deafening void. Shhhhhhhhhhhhh…

Can you hear it, the sounds of nothing and no one that speak volumes of nothing. Time continues to slip away, as if it were a grain of sand in an hour glass. Silence… the stillness of a giant void.

I know I will fall behind in the lonely and empty darkness of my fears. As I try to hold on to today never wanting tomorrow to come. I tell myself it will be okay. As the sun sets my heart, beings to break and I want it to end. But when tomorrow turns into today. I will wake up knowing I will see the same empty faces.

As I keep my head up high and never stop smiling. I know none of those faces will ever see the part I fear will hurt them more then it could ever hurt me. As I stand there behind this mask of false truths. It only makes me want to take it off. Just to let them see.

But I will keep it on until tomorrow for today is almost over. And here comes the sunset and the return of all my fears. As I stand there I wonder will these empty faces see the real me behind the mask? As I stand there, I know the answer comes…

It may seem as if I am carefree and strong,going through life as if nothing is wrong. But no one has ever seen the real me, they only know what I let them believe.Most often my smiles are real and sincere. I carefully created a clever mask of illusion, I wear it now to hide my pain and confusion. So never is a tear seen falling from my eye.

I have learned to hold it all silently inside. Quite often I want to just let go and weep but the pain is very intense and too deep. I yearn to belong, to be one of the crowd to be able to speak of my dreams out loud wanting so very much to be accepted.

Yet fearing the possibility of being rejected. I need special someone to discern the real me and not hold in contempt what they will see. The weaknesses and flaws I try so hard to hide, are all part of the real me I keep hidden inside.

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… Can you hear it? The sounds of silence.

Found some others taken together with my 2nd aunt. Well my 2nd aunt already in her 60’s now. Don’t manage to find any other’s maybe next time…

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