August 30, 2006 at 1:17 pm

Facts About Me

Note Of The Day: I was tagged by Angele @ Just Because I am AnGeLe & _Butt @ JustA ride but I don’t manage to do _Butt’s tag cause I’m no good in malay language since I ever left high school. So sorry about that _Butt…

Tagging:

1. tiuniasing @ Bouncing along in life,
2. Laksa @ Laksa Diaries,
3. Anonymous @ An Anonymous Crap Sheet,
4. Smurfette @ Indefinite Emotions
5. Ah Pek @ Rhythms of The Night

Well, I should be writing about six random facts about myself. Hmm, maybe more of it yeah, hope you don’t mind�

I used to say that it would never be me. ~*
But people change and become not what they seem. I have a secret no one knows, I hide from all, my mistakes and my goals.

The decisions I’ve made and the choices that I picked became footsteps along the path of pain and being sick. ~*
I’m only in my 20’s, I shouldn’t have to deal but I’ve come to realize because of me this is real.

I’m too stubborn to ask for help or assistance. ~*
I’m too strong to let it get the best of me in an instant. Yet I’m to weak to beat it on my own and I can’t ask for help because of reasons unknown.

I’m scared of where I’m headed. ~*
But I like where it got me, and now it feels needed. I can’t live without it, and yet I won’t live with it. The consequences are deadly and yet I just can’t quit it.

I have so much support and encouragement. ~*
I have friends and family who love me. I know I can do it if I could just find my will, but it has abandoned me all alone to struggle up this hill.

I can’t let go it just can’t be done but if I can’t loosen my grasp then I’m gone, leaving the people I love and cherish to deal with the fact that I’ve perished. ~*
I won’t do that to those I love and yet I won’t tell them how I truly feel. Alone and abandoned in this lake of sorrow, no sun shining through to vanquish the shadows.

It’s a scary place to be stranded and because of myself I have to stand it. ~*
I walked this path alone and now everyone has to deal with the aftermath. Is it fair what I’ve done to those I love? To make them deal with my moods and attitude.

I made the choice to come to this place and all I do is hide what I feel and do behind a vacant face. ~*
I want to tell them all I’m sorry, to beg for forgiveness and make it all history. But I can’t swallow my pride and admit that I was wrong, and that yes maybe they were right to find my will power and ask for help and have unconditional love and support. They’ll tell me no matter what we’ll be here and that I can do this and I can kick this addiction. Now that I’ve wrote it I just have to say and remind myself I’m beautiful no matter what and worth so much everyday. I will beat this because I ‘m stronger than it thinks and frankly not being capable of doing anything stinks!

I’m going to wake-up, put my foot down and have fun. ~*
Because a life of regrets and overwhelming guilt of weekly appointments and being constantly sick is not worth the beauty achieved by being bulimic.

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