January 8, 2007 at 10:14 am

I might go psycho or not

Mistaken
I guess some might have misunderstand with what I actually wanted to mention in my previous entry.

I don’t actually hate or angry with “them” but feel sad because they don’t feel good with all that happen too~

You know, since small I don’t actually talk that much. Maybe when the first time you know me in person, I would have talk to you 24 hour, but the more you know me, the more you find out that I might just a listener to you.

Don’t mistaken, it’s not that I don’t wanna talk to you anymore but just that I figure out the more I get to know you, the more I feel I don’t know what else to say, as I feel you might know what I’m thinking before even I wanted to open my mouth and utter the thing I wanted to say.

Sometimes I just wanna keep silent. But deep in my silentness, pictures of the past started to mingled in my mind from time to time. Those past conversations started to rewind and rewind continuously~

I do not know somehow one day I might go psycho or not, will I?

Dear AuntyLH,
Most of all I know I own AuntyLH a lot which I can never pay you back, it’s not just about money if you understand what I mean. It’s actually a matter of value, trust, care & guidance all this year.

Yet, I also wanted to say “Sorry” to you when sometime I don’t manage to do whatever you wanted me to.

Noted that, it’s not that I try to “fight out” with you but in some situations I prefer to have my own decision and opinion even though I know what you did is for my own good.

Dear TH,
I own you too TH, if you ever get to read this, I just wanna sincerely apologized to you and at the same time “Thank You” to be there all the time.

I know I might be bossy sometime but I do understand how you feel once in a while if you understand what I mean~

I still remember you told me that because of me you seldom talk that much, I guess this was really a bad one, huh? But all I can say was “sorry” and this isn’t forever and never be it gain~

To Myself
Besides what I wanted to say here, still I have a lot in mind which I don’t know whether I should make my move or not. I do not know whether my decision or opinion is acceptable, or will it make matter worse?

I really have a lot in mind or maybe too much. But please do remember that whichever I say and do, I don’t mean to hurt you. I really don’t. I really need a rest~

Not that I wanted to stop life or what, just that I need a rest from thinking that much. I need a good listener but I wish this would not create any havoc at the end of the day.

That’s why I never try it in this 20 over year ever since I figure out we are actually all “alone” or maybe just “me”.

My Job
I might really wanted to change a new job soon ~ but was it a good move? My bos did mention to me that he wanna move somewhere near by my house which is also near by his.

But he don’t plan to tell other workers who stay nearby the current place. (kinda selfish I must say)

And I don’t think the others will follow, so I guess my bos has been in the process hiring new people but he is pretty sure that I will still follow his move.

I don’t know, it’s been 8 months I been sitting in this room dealing with my design work every now and then. I seems to get use to it already. But it’s seem that this is going to be different.

Should I get a new one? Maybe work at home? You wanted to introduce some jobs to me? Do contact me!

Still there is a lot in mind ~ really seems to bother me lately…

• That angelic gal ~ Part 7