January 30, 2007 at 10:25 pm

That angelic gal ~ Part 7

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Read Part 1 Here , Read Part 2 Here , Read Part 3 Here , Read Part 4 Here , Read Part 5 Here , Read Part 6 Here ~ I used the same trick again. HAHAHA! We spoke on the phone and talked like old friends and the pressing examination stress seemed to have vanished.

I was hoping in my heart that time will freeze so that we could chat till the end of time. Cloud,remember that day when I ask you if you would visit me in Japan and you said you would.?’ ‘Yes? You want me to go over?’

Ok sure, tell me your address. I will go over right after my examination next sat.’ Next sat? examination? that is when?’ ‘Maybe 28 May or slightly later. Yeah, tell me your address?.’ I jolted down her contacts in Japan and kiss it.

‘Cloud, I got to go already, can’t talk anymore. Before I put down, is there anything you want to tell me?.’ Take lots of care ok? I can’t wait to see you soon!’ You put down first Cloud. I don’t want you to see me hang up on you.’

With that a heavy heart our conversation ended as I put the phone down. In preparation for the coming trip to Japan, I hurried my revision, determined to do well so that I could psycho my mum to pay for my trip.

I thank you God for giving me this chance!! HOORAY! *Days passed* Finally I am close to finishing my examination - today is the last paper. I was home, like all other days, doing my revision.

My mum says that if I do finish this examination, she would pay for my tickets, provided I give her my words that my results will be good when it is out. Regardless. I CAN’T WAIT ANYMORE!

I want to see her so badly and life has been good to me, even though little setbacks filled along the way, but I love the surprises Cupid has in store for me.

From morning till night, I have been studying non-stop, although my mind wandered on the thought of seeing her again. For the sake of going over, everything is worth it.

Then, in amidst of studying, my mum calls for me and I guess it must be regarding the trip over. Hehz. Yeah I will see her soon!

‘Boy ar. a letter for you.’

Huh? A letter for me? I had never receive a letter addressed to me before. I examined the envelope and it wrote ‘ To Cloud’ on the front. Curiously, I tear opened and a letter fell out.

Dear Cloud,

Before I began, I apologise for not telling you everything about myself. In this world, if there is one person I wouldn’t want to see crying - it would have been you.

I wrote this letter on the night when we parted and promise not to look back. Actually I broke the promise; I did looked back, because I feared that I may not have the chance to see you again this lifetime.

I know you are putting on a brave front because as a woman I could cry and I know you would be there to console me, but someone has to be the stronger one to console and reassure right?

The reasons why I have to go back to Japan is because I am suffering from a rare case of a blood cancer that may claim my life very soon if it is not treated.

My parents wants me to go back to take a major operation there because if this operation were to fail, I would disappear from the surface of the world and they wants to be with me during this period, that’s why I ask you if you would come to visit me if I ask you to.

The success rate of this operation is only 30% and anything could happen. So I want to tell you that I appreciate your company, your advices, everything you did or said.

I giggled to myself every night after we chatted online and I began to ask myself if I fell in love with you. I guess I did, although you never express yourself to me. Perhaps it is just one sided, but no wrong liking you what right?

You told me you rather wait for the special one, and I told you I will also wait for mine. During the time when I was cuddling in you, I knew that you are the one.

I hope that the cab could drive slower because I may not get the chance to cuddle in you again. You may find a girlfriend by then, or I am already in heaven watching over you.

My operation begins on 24 May and I will call you maybe a week plus before to fulfill the promise you said you would come over and visit me in Japan. By then you would know the truth and I could see you for the last time, at least.

But then again, if you receive this letter through mail send by my guardian, it means that I am already gone, leaving my physical body, leaving my suffering and of course, leaving this world.

But do not despair, as I will always be around you, shielding you like what you did, in vain, to protect me from the rain today. You said you are not romantic at all, but to me, you are the best a guy could be.

I am feeling a little tired writing this letter, but I am determine to finish what I had to say. If there is one thing final question I want you to ask me, it would be you asking me whether if I like good-looking guys.

No, I don’t like them because I like guys like YOU - unique and extraordinary, just like Rosemary in the movie we watched together.

This distinct character could only be found in you and I want you to kept it that way for I like the way you are, not the way you looked. I love you, Cloud. very much.

Yukiko

Tears I have been fighting back, at this time broke from my resistance barrier and roll down my cheek as I saw the date today - 27 May. I was rooted to the ground, totally defeated, lying at the mercy of my ill-fated destiny.

I clutched my head tightly as trains of disillusioned thoughts sinks into my mind. Why DIDN’T I LEFT Singapore to Japan? I should have hack care about my examination to be with her, her final days. I should not have delay the trip over.

I should not.

Decisions, most of the times, have cruel consequences regardless of which options I chose.

I was at the verge of mental breakdown, totally confused and helpless, like a baby in crossfire, weeping silently to myself for the tears I owe her and for the lack of courage to express my feeling.

She was waiting for me to pop the question! And I never did! I should have fuc-king listen to Jerry. At the very least, I could let her know HOW MUCH she meant to me and how much I loved her.

I knew something is happening to me. I was crying…

As expected, my results were good. Since that day, I never spoke much because I was hurt, disappointed and regretted beyond words. I sat at the bus stop where I first saw her and every scene replay itself in my mind, like a drama.

I recalled that she still owe me a movie treat - although this could never happen and thinking of it, made me sink deeper into this whirlpool of depression.

Clutching tightly onto the heart origami that she made, I waited for the bus and soon, it arrived. I took it and realize that it was the same bus driver again.

‘Eh boy ar, why your girlfriend not with you ar?.’

I smiled at him and pointed to my heart. ‘Nope! She is with me. all the time.’ ~ the end ~

By -TheAngel-