February 8, 2007 at 11:26 am
Dolce Vita ~ Can I? (Part 5)
Read Part 1 Here, Read Part 2 Here, Read Part 3 Here , Read Part 4 Here
BUT CAN I?..
FlyNDance… is it really something I wont be able to do?… After the 1st meeting with you at Mc…I started to realize that you are not only a virtual being living in the cyberspace… in reality you are strong, gentle and sensitive….
I can feel the defense wall of my heart is slowly breaking apart… I m defeated…
I tied my hair today.. ‘cos my fren told me that I look more attractive this way…
I want u to remember my face as it is today… ‘cos after today… everything may change… But why didn’t you ask for my real name?… that’s why I never asked for yours…
I am a girl ….. do you realized how I wish to have something more than a nick to take along with me?…
Slorr… thank you for the DOLCE VITA. Finally got a taste of what sweet times are like… But I am really sorry…
I just couldn’t bear to say goodbye…
Since it started from a mail…it should end with a mail too…
Its been 3 months and 2 days since the very first mail… not a very long time but it isn’t short either… our story began from me… and I will end it.
Maybe its what you said… ‘Internet is fast and convenient, but it isn’t perfect’….
I can send you my thoughts right away… but not my tears… It’s about 5.30am now… time to go… by the time you receive this mail…
I would be trying to settle down somewhere else… I don’t know….
Good ByeWith lotsa love,
FlyNDance
After reading her mail, I felt as if I had just experienced a roller-coaster ride which almost derailed. She had shown me the other side of her, soft and sensitive side.
For a couple of months, I was trying to hypnotizes myself, to suppress my feelings whenever I started to think about her again.
Perpetually I was telling myself, she is just one virtual character that fly and dance in the net, but never in the real world.
I became a fugitive, escaping from my PC, escaping from the Internet and anything that has to do with coffee.
Hide myself behind the piles of lecture notes, behind the crowd of people, trying to get rid of this thought of missing something in life.
But I failed. I found out that its not that I don’t miss her, its just that I had forgotten the passion that always comes along when you are having something hanging on your mind all the time.
Its like I cannot breathe. It’s just that I had forgotten the fact that I have been breathing in and out for the past 19 years.
I can hold my breath for a while, but not forever.
I have to find her!
“Err… I am looking for … er..FlyNDance….”
“HUH??…”
‘Huh’, this is the exact word I was expecting from her.
She seems to be FlyNDance’s elder sister, 20++, looked quite a beauty too even without any makeup.
But of course, still can’t be compared with her. I explained to her my purpose for knocking on the door and told her that I am no stalker whom she might think I am.
Surprisingly when I told her my disgusting nick, Slorr, she appeared to be rather excited and quickly she scribbled something on a small piece of paper and handed it to me.
“You should go and see her. SGH, Room 3-425.”
-=~@~=-
This is the first time I’ve ever stepped into the Singapore General Hospital. It’s a dust-free space, everything looked so clean, tidy and arranged.
But I don’t like the feeling it gave me… I entered room 3-425, she was there, in a deep sleep. I stood by her, watching.
Her hair was still as long as before, laying across the soft, white pillow. Her face looked roundish now, I know it’s the side-effect of the medicine.
And the pinkish-red patch that was on her neck, had spread to her face appearing in a shape of a butterfly.
Nevertheless, she was still the most beautiful butterfly I’ve ever seen. Her eyelashes twitched slightly, she must be dreaming, what’s that in her dream?
McDonald’s fries and coke? Sinking Titanic? Or the rain at AMK Ave 6? The room was getting darker as the clock approaches 6pm.
I wanted to switch on the light. I hate to see her lying lonely under the shadow of a patient’s room.
But I am worried that her dreams might be disturbed by the sudden light rays. While I was in a dilemma, her eyes opened slowly. Her eyes were wide on me, then she turned away suddenly.
I can only see her back at this moment. She lost weight. After a long time, she turned to face me again, rubbed her eyes and smiled…
“Slorr, you are here!”
“Yes, nice weather today, isn’t it?”
“Ya lor, sky also very chio today? Right? Heehee..”
SKY VERY CHIO…
I can still remember this was the conversation we had in one of our AJCRR meetings.”
But she didn’t realize that it’s raining today.
“Slorr, why are you standing there. Sit down.”
Thanks for reminding me. I just found out that my legs were numbed due to the several hours of standing.
“Slorr, you lost weight.”
ME? I thought I should be the one who’s telling this to her!?
“Slorr, you hungry? Had your lunch? Food here isn’t so good. That’s why patients like me always slim down a bit. Apart from that, it’s quite ok. But sometimes I feel really bored without a PC here to talk to you..”
“Slorr, how’s your mid-year? Sure did very well right?”
WAIT A MINUTE! You are the one who’s lying on bed right now not me! Yet, I had nothing to ask her actually.
Because I was there to see her, not to find out the answers to those questions. Maybe now its the time for me to utter some touching lines like what is in the case of a movie.
But I am not a Romantic person… moreover…
Movies are fiction.
Life isn’t… ~ to be continue ~
