April 5, 2007 at 9:48 am
The Raise
I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
* I do physical labor
* I work at great depths
* I plunge head first into everything I do
* I do not get weekends off or public holidays
* I work in a damp environment
* I don’t get paid overtime
* I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
* I work in high temperatures
* My work exposes me to contagious diseases
Yours truly,
Penis
_____________________________________
Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
* You do not work 8 hours straight
* You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
* You do not always follow the orders of the management team
* You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas
* You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
* You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
* You don’t always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing
* You’ll retire well before reaching 65
* You’re unable to work double shifts before you have completed the day’s work
* And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.
Sincerely,
The Management
